THINGS I'LL NEVER TELL YOU SC

SMALL PRESS
SKU:
9798887691541
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UPC:
9798887691541
£16.00
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A love letter. A confession. A prayer. A petition.
From one protector who has been there too long, rusting at the hinges, to the other who's never there, who might never be there again.
Worried his partner might stop existing, the narrator reflects on everything he'd like to tell him but might never have the strength or opportunity to.

I never thought I would end up writing a love story, but when I found myself in a situation very similar to the narrator's life, I realised my journaling was becoming something else, and I needed to share this story.

There is lots of stigma around transness and personality disorders, especially in the current political climate. There is a tendency, in healthcare, to blame symptoms and struggles and disorders on our transness, and we often worry about the impact that being more open about our mental health can have on our diagnosis and access to care.
Even when writing this story I was worried about how people would perceive it, given threats to detransition neurodivergent trans folks.
And when you mixed transness and one of the most stigmatised disorders (DID and OSDD), seeing this book on the shelves felt as scary as needed.

The premise is quite simple: two protectors, two systems (colloquial term for people with DID/OSDD), rarely around at the same time. One of them tells the other to write down everything he wishes to tell him, and our narrator realises that there's more to both of them and their relationship than he initially thought.
This story is a brief snapshot of a relationship where the two people "exist" occasionally, rarely at the same time, and yet their love and desire to exist overrides their roles, purpose, limitations.
It's a story about what happens when you realise there might be more to your life than what you assumed was your purpose, and when you realise you're allowed to want more than the bare minimum - from yourself, your love life, your past.

I wanted to write a story that felt bittersweet and cathartic for the readers as much as the writer, and challenged our understanding of time, trauma, healing, love, and existence.